“If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it”– Toni Morrison
For years I have been dreaming of this blog, and then one day, I heard Toni Morrison’s quote and thought, Lauren, it’s time. Start writing the blog that you wanted to read. I can coach people sideways about pursuing their passions and utilizing their talents, but I stall when it comes to my creative projects. The Mulligan Marriage has been in the works for years, and I’m so excited and equally petrified to release it out into the world.
A few years ago, I read Simon Sinek’s book, “Start with Why,” and it’s changed how I approach new projects, and trust me, as a ‘creative,’ I start a lot of them. What is my why? I would love to share the why behind this blog.
My divorce was a surprise. I recently uprooted my life and career to move outside the United States and begin a business with my now ex-husband. I was entirely out of my element, challenged every day, and feeling more insecure than ever. When he asked for a divorce, my chaotic mind stilled, and for a brief moment, I experienced complete clarity. My intuition was right; something was off. After that brief moment of knowing, my mind returned to chaos, and the process of rebuilding my life and self-confidence began—brick by brick. Looking back with years of perspective under my belt, I can say that he did me a favor, but if you would have told me that years ago, it would have hurt too much to acknowledge.
Divorce is a rollercoaster. Whether you instigated the process, it came as a surprise, or it was a ‘conscious uncoupling,’ the up and downs of emotions can be hard to deal with alone. I moved ‘home’ with my parents for a year during my divorce, and I felt like a failure. (Their home was located in a state I hadn’t physically lived since I was in the 6th grade) I was in my early 30’s, and none of my friends were divorced. Scouring the internet for connection, I came up dry, so I started to journal. We are not talking eloquent poems; we are talking straight-up word vomit. My journaling continued off and on for almost a decade, first through the divorce, then a career change, rebuilding a community in my new city, dating, finding love, moving, reconnecting with myself, and the list goes on.
My why is to build a resource to help women move through divorce gracefully and create a life beyond their wildest dreams. Every divorce looks different. We are not here to rehash drama, play the blame game, or share gossip about our ex; I’m pretty sure you have a few girlfriends who would love to be a part of that! My goal is to build a community that treats divorce as a chance to reconnect with yourself and discover what you want out of the next phase in your life. That was your mulligan; now it’s time to tee up for your next swing.
So what the heck is a mulligan?
According to Merriam-Webster, a mulligan is a free shot sometimes given to a golfer in informal play when the previous shot was poorly played.
Or, as I like to say, it’s your do-over. The term came to me as I socialized with a few couples my parents had over for dinner shortly after I arrived to live at home and start over. Both couples had been married before. “Oh honey, that was just your mulligan.” A small light started to crack through my deep, dark tunnel. Wait, I get a do-over? I may be excellent at mini-golf, but no, I’m not an avid golfer. The phrase resonated with me, and here we are. You do-over is not to say that your relationship didn’t matter or that it didn’t start with the greatest of intentions; I’m sure it did. Not many people plan a wedding thinking about a divorce. A do-over gives you hope.
My divorce is only one story, and spoiler alert, I have created my happily ever after but only with time, reflection, work, and dedication every day, not only to my new relationship but my growth. I believe that you have all the answers you need; they just might be buried. If you have been through a divorce and have wisdom to share, please reach out via our connect page. Whether you were married for a few months or decades, you have something to share that may help other women through the process. Although my divorce did not involve children, I welcome you to participate if yours did; however, this blog will center around you. To be your best self in any situation, you must be true to yourself, know yourself, and honor yourself.
Welcome to The Mulligan Marriage. I hope to see you join our private Facebook group, where you can share questions or thoughts. Thank you for helping me grow this community and jump-start your next chapter.